is your mom at the bar?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
