She said her name was "party"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize