We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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