do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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