I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
