Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
