So drunk its hurt
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
