Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
