You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
