I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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