I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I looked at my own cervix.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
