glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
