I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
