I must be too annoying 4 u.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
