Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
