i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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