she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
