and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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