Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
