Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
