If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
whose parrot is this?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
