Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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