i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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