O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
