he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize