I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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