I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I understand Curling. That high.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
