Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
