apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I can't put those talents on a resume
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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