I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
