I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize