chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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