3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
