I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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