im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
