I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
