nut hugger
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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