Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
