I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
