I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
