Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
