like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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