it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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