Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
