I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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