I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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