ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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