Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
