i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
