I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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