at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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