I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was like eating out sand paper
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
