I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
