About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
