I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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