Your dad touched me again.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
