my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
