It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
