So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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