stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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