Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Randomize
