girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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