omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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