You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
