I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You pole danced in your parka.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
